


Out of the Darkness

by a_lanart



Series: Denial Verse [3]
Category: Buffy the Vampire Slayer, Farscape, Highlander: The Series, Lexx, Star Trek: Voyager, Torchwood
Genre: Crossover, Denial, Multi
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2010-03-10
Updated: 2010-03-10
Packaged: 2017-10-07 20:46:12
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,210
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/69082
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/a_lanart/pseuds/a_lanart
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>There's a place on the banks of Denial where everyone is welcome.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Out of the Darkness

**Author's Note:**

  * For [subcircus](https://archiveofourown.org/users/subcircus/gifts).



> Please note that this is kind of a non-fixit Children of Earth fic, but it *is* in my Denial verse so all is not as it seems...

Title: Out of the Darkness  
Author: A Lanart  
Genre: Crossover - Torchwood and goodness knows what else. In the same Universe as Behind the Curtain.  
Characters/Pairings Jack/Ianto, Tosh, Owen, Harry Kim  
Rating: PG  
Spoilers: Torchwood up to and including CoE  
Warnings: It's a bit cracky and it's a bit schmoopy but it's also a teeny bit angsty as it's a non-fixit CoE fic. Kind of. This is my version of Denial, after all!

 

~*~

Out of the Darkness (aka Ianto's story)

*

It was an odd sort of life that Toshiko had fallen into after Death by Torchwood, but the longer it had gone on the more she found it suited her; Owen too, after the initial shock and his inevitable reaction to finding himself truly alive once more seemed to be happier than he had been in years. They were now better friends that she'd ever expected they could be though certain other people in this place probably had something to do with that. Tosh smiled to herself as she continued tapping away at her keyboard, it was strange that it had taken dying to enable her to find a happy and relatively normal relationship. The smile widened and took over her face, she couldn't help it.

"That is one dirty grin, Toshiko Sato. You obviously aren't thinking about work." Owen had dropped by for reasons known only to him, but couldn't seem to resist teasing her. Tosh replied in kind.

"Oh I don't know, I've always had a thing for maths…"

Owen chuckled. "You're just plain weird," he said.

"I kind of agree with her. There's something kind of…stark and beautiful about maths." Tosh smiled gratefully at her partner in crime and maths geekery.

"See? I'm not the only one!"

"Harry's weird too."

"And you aren't, Owen?" Tosh challenged, still smiling.

"Yeah. Well…"

Laughter swept around the room, even among those who had stayed out of the so-called conversation. Gradually they turned back to their work, ignoring Tosh and Owen in favour of actually getting something done. Tosh was somewhat surprised when Owen leaned over with a faint smile and murmured,

"You should get distracted more often; it suits you." He moved away too quickly for her to reply quietly, so she settled on flashing him a pleased smile instead. Any further banter was disrupted by a soft beep and the squeak-slither of chair wheels moving across the floor.

"Incoming!" Harry yelled, his fingers flying over the keys. Tosh sighed.

"Do you always have to sound so sci-fi, Harry?" She asked.

"Can't help it," he mumbled. Tosh grinned at the back of Harry's bent head – she couldn't resist poking fun at him. She looked up as Owen returned to stand by her desk.

"So where has our latest addition landed?" He asked. More often than not Owen liked to be there when the new arrivals woke up, he'd told Tosh that being a doctor who was dead twice over gave him a unique perspective and she couldn't really argue with that. She interrogated the system with a few lightning fast clicks and key presses and couldn't help the muttered exclamation of disbelief that escaped as she received her answer.

"Would you believe at Central Hall?" Central Hall was many things, but it was the building closest to being the community's spiritual heart and to Tosh's best knowledge no-one had ever come through there before.

"Why there?" Owen asked, sounding as curious and concerned as Tosh felt.

"How should I know?" She said. "Why do any of us arrive in a particular place?" A faint ping drew Tosh's attention and she switched programs with ease, only for her heart to plummet as she realised what the alert meant. "Oh no. No.…"

"Tosh? What is it?"

"It's Ianto," she whispered. "And it doesn't look like he's alone."

Owen was out of the door before Tosh had even left her chair; she followed as if her feet had grown wings. This was the day they had both been waiting for with dread and a strange sort of anticipation.

*

While Death wasn't exactly a pleasant experience, it was one to which Jack had become accustomed. This death had been more painful in some ways than most of them, not least because he hadn't gone into it alone. In all of his deaths and resurrections he had never been aware of anything on the other side beyond darkness and a vague sense of something lurking unseen. This time… this time there was softness under his cheek where he lay on the floor, warmth caressing his skin like a faint breeze and the flicker of not-blackness beyond his closed lids that indicated bright light. As more feeling returned, Jack came to full awareness with a jolt; he wasn't alone. His arm was still flung around someone, a someone who felt suspiciously like Ianto, who should by all rights should be cold and unmoving but was very definitely not; he was warm and vital and breathing. Jack carefully opened his eyes, almost more terrified than he'd ever been in his life of what might greet him.

The light was sunlight, good old earth-yellow sunlight, though it was dappled with colour as if it was shining through stained glass. The softness was some kind of carpet, better than anything he'd had the pleasure of lying on in the last 50 years or so, and Ianto – for it was definitely him – was very much alive. He looked like he was sleeping, chest rising and falling with each gentle breath. Jack gathered Ianto into his arms, holding him as Ianto had done so many times for Jack, when waiting for him to revive. More than likely this would be their last farewell; Jack knew that only he would be leaving this place. Jack ran his fingers through Ianto's hair and across his face, the scar from 3 days ago was only a smear of dried blood on otherwise unblemished skin. Ianto smiled under Jack's fingers and his eyelids fluttered open,

"Jack?" He croaked, and then began to cough; harsh, racking coughs as if there was something that desperately wanted out of his lungs. Jack held on tight and the coughing subsided as quickly as it had begun. Wordlessly, they clutched at each other for a moment. When Ianto's grip became less frantic, Jack smiled down at him gently.

"Hi there, gorgeous," he whispered.

"Jack…"

"Well you are, especially when…" Jack's voice cracked, betraying what he felt, what he'd been trying to hide. Ianto struggled to a more upright position and Jack found himself being held as much as he was doing the holding. He sank into the comfort of Ianto's arms.

"Am I, are we?..." Ianto stuttered.

"I think so."

"I thought it was supposed to be dark."

"It always has been before. Maybe I just needed someone with a little more faith than me to show me the way." Ianto twitched in his arms, as if in protest.

"I don't have… where the hell are we anyway?" Jack glanced around them; he hadn't really paid much attention to the place beyond cataloguing his immediate environment when he awoke. It was a warm and welcoming place, full of light from the myriad windows that pierced the polished wooden walls. The luxurious carpet they'd been lying on was matched by colourful tapestries on the walls and there were benches around the perimeter leaving an open space large enough for a significant number of people to gather. The overriding atmosphere was one of peace.

"It looks like a sort of church or something," Jack said.

"Not like any church I've ever been in."

The clatter of running feet approaching the building from outside signalled that they very definitely weren't alone. Jack wasn't sure what he felt about that; he was fascinated, but resentful that others were going to intrude on his time with Ianto. He knew he was only going to have a short while in this place and then most likely Ianto would be gone for ever. He took a deep breath, deciding to say the thing he never had for whatever reason had seemed best at the time.

"Ianto, I…" Jack was interrupted by Ianto's fingers on his lips, stemming the flow of words.

"Don't. Not now. Not here. Please." Jack nodded against Ianto's hand, indicating his understanding.

"Okay then, I won't. But it doesn't make it less true."

"Don't you think I know that?" Jack replied in the only way he could, with a kiss. They'd always communicated better without words and it seemed that remained true even beyond death.

*

Tosh and Owen burst through the doors together, to be met by a very familiar sight indeed. Owen chuckled.

"Even when they're dead the first thing they do is play tonsil hockey. Bloody typical."

"I think it's sweet."

"You always did. Still…" He gave Tosh a smile and settled into wait until Jack and Ianto had finished saying hello properly. He hoped they wouldn't progress as far as taking each other's clothes off as he really would have to step in and intervene at that point, not that he thought Jack would mind but he was fairly certain Ianto would prefer not to have an audience, especially if some of them were strangers as the others would be arriving soon, alerted by Harry. This short time was theirs alone.

It seemed Tosh was less patient than he was for a change, as after a few minutes she cleared her throat rather loudly. The two men in the middle of the floor broke apart, though Owen noticed they made sure they were still touching each other *somewhere* and luckily enough somewhere decent at that. The twinned looks of disbelief on their faces were comical. Jack found his voice first.

"Tosh? Owen?"

"In the flesh, alive and kicking," Owen said as Tosh flung herself across the intervening space and into Jack and Ianto's arms. Jack looked up from his armful of Ianto and Tosh and gave Owen a smile that bore only a hint of his old trademark grin.

"There's room for one more…" Owen let go of his dignity and joined them. He'd missed them, and Jack wouldn't be here for long so he'd best make the most of it.

*

They'd moved from their huddle on the floor to a spot in the corner, beneath one of the windows that scattered light around them in myriad colours. Ianto was pressed against Jack's side, with Tosh snuggled up on the bench next to him and Owen sitting opposite, but still within touching distance. He tried to make sense of what Tosh and Owen told him, but their explanation of what this place was sounded even more outré than an odd day at Torchwood had been. Other people arrived, some staying, some going and some occasionally participating in the conversation. None of them seemed surprised at Ianto's sudden appearance or the fact that Jack was with him. He'd been mildly freaked out when Jack had greeted a beautiful blue-skinned female with bent head, a formal looking gesture and a few unintelligible words but she'd soon withdrawn with a smile, leaving behind her companion who appeared to be nothing more startling than a Franciscan brother. Brother Darius stayed on the periphery of the group, saying nothing but Ianto felt like the priest was offering wordless support and maybe even a silent blessing for him and Jack and that meant more to him than he'd expected it to.

All the faces around him seemed to gaze toward him expectantly and Ianto closed his eyes to escape them for a moment, focusing on the anchor that was the touch of Jack's hand on his own. He wished he knew for certain just how much longer he'd have that comfort; whatever time he had would have to be enough, like it or not. Ianto sighed, and opened his eyes again, pleased to see that some of the people just seemed to have melted away; he certainly hadn't noticed them leaving.

"If we're all dead," Ianto said, "Some of us more than once," he continued with a nod of acknowledgement toward Owen and the tall, dark haired man who hovered almost protectively behind him. "Then why does Jack only ever remember darkness? Has he ever *been* here before?"

"Oh he's been here," Father Darius said gently, "but…" he was interrupted by the woman – Tara – who had taken up residence near Toshiko's feet.

"Room without doors!"

"I… what?" Ianto was sure he looked just as stupid as he sounded but he couldn't bring himself to care overmuch and it didn't seem like anyone else did either, particularly not Tara, who was leaning forward away from Tosh as she launched into an explanation.

"There's this room – we didn't build it, it just appeared one day – that has no obvious entrance or exit so…" she waved a hand vaguely in the air, "Room Without Doors. We can usually tell if someone's inside but we have no way of communicating with them. He," she indicated Jack, "has been in there more than once since I've been here, sometimes for days. I always thought that it must be horrible to be stuck in there with no way out…" She broke off with a shudder and a quick glance at Jack; Ianto didn't miss the way she leant back against Tosh's leg or the quick brush of Tosh's hand across her shoulder.

"I have to admit I prefer it out here," Jack said.

"Not surprising. It must be very lonely in the darkness while you're waiting to go back."

"It is, but I always had something – someone – to go back for up 'til now. I don't think…" Jack bent his head and took a deep, shuddering breath. Ianto squeezed Jack's fingers where they lay against his own, realising that for some of the time, in recent years at least, he'd been that someone. When Jack raised his head again, he didn't look at Ianto but pinned Father Darius with a stare that demanded he be given an honest answer. Ianto was glad it wasn't turned in his direction as he'd never been proof against it, no matter what he'd tried. They'd held each other's eyes for a moment before Jack spoke again. "I'm not going to remember any of this, am I?" He asked, making Ianto's heart bleed all over again. Father Darius shook his head.

"I wish I could say otherwise, but I doubt it. I'm sorry." Ianto felt Jack's hand tremble slightly and he held on tight, trying to reassure him without words as Darius continued. "I think the most you can hope to carry back over with you is a measure of peace. Perhaps in dreams you might remember more, but I can honestly say I don't know – it's never been an issue before. You're unique, Jack Harkness, even among us refugees from across the universes." Jack nodded, but Ianto didn't think he looked convinced, which meant it was up to himself to do something about it in the little time Jack had left in this place. Again, he squeezed Jack's fingers but this time he added a brush of his thumb across the back of Jack's hand, a teasing hint of times past and hopefully times future, then Ianto took a deep breath and decided to direct what he had to say at Darius too.

"If Jack isn't going to remember much about this place, and he's going to be leaving us soon whether we like it or not, I'd appreciate it if you could give us some privacy." To his surprise, Darius smiled reminding Ianto that the man probably hadn't always been a priest and monk; there was definitely nothing holy in the look he gave Ianto.

"Ah yes. Indeed," Darius said. "There's a room through that way that would suit, I think. It even has a lock."

"Thanks," Ianto replied, giving Owen and Tosh enough time with Jack for one last hug before almost dragging him off in the indicated direction. He couldn't keep the smile from his face when he heard Owen chivvying everyone else out of the place, especially when he said,

"Trust me, you do *not* want to be here. Now get out."

Ianto was still grinning as he locked the door behind him and Jack, then he sobered, daring to look into Jack's eyes for the first time since he'd made his decision; they were shining suspiciously, though that could have just been his own he supposed. Jack reached out to cup his face.

"Time for a proper good-bye, hmm?" All Ianto could do was nod - he seemed to have lost the ability to speak - and let himself be led toward the mound of cushions, pillows and rugs that seemed to take up one entire side of the room.

*

Tosh and Owen retreated back to her computer, ostensibly to occupy themselves with work but in reality because they needed to know when Jack left. Neither of them needed to explain that to the other. Unsurprisingly Owen began to prod her into leaving, rather than staring unseeing at the screen, which she ignored - somewhat half-heartedly she had to admit – until he sat on her desk with his arms folded and frowned at her. She couldn't really ignore him then.

"Come on Tosh, you're not doing anyone any bloody good here, especially yourself. Get the sodding program onto one of your PDAs and let's get out." She stared him for a moment, her brain almost refusing to process his suggestion as if it had been made in a language she could barely speak, then she smiled.

"Why didn't I think of that? Thanks, Owen." She dashed off to grab one of the PDAs and in only a few minutes she was ready to leave. "Now, where? We can't go back. Not yet, not until…" her voice petered out.

"River?" Owen suggested.

"As good a place as any I suppose." She took Owen's proffered arm with a wobbly feeling smile on her face but steeled her spine and her heart as they stepped out of the building.

Later, she wasn't sure how long she and Owen had sat on the banks of the river keeping their odd sort of vigil but it was long enough for several of their friends to find them and stop for a few minutes, some offering a few words but most just wordless comfort. The PDA lay on the ground between her and Owen, a blinking blue signal of another life. They both stared when the light turned red, faded, then finally ceased. Tosh sighed.

"Let's go," she whispered. Owen passed her the PDA and offered her a hand as she scrambled up off the ground.

As they walked Tosh wasn't particularly surprised when Tara fell in beside her; their fingers twining together without a conscious decision on Tosh's part and no spoken acknowledgement passed between them. Tara left just as silently as they drew closer to Central Hall, without having to be asked, leaving Tosh alone with Owen to face Ianto.

*

Usually returning back to life was a battle against the lonely darkness, a frantic and desperate grapple for life and warmth and company. This time Jack drifted, curiously at peace and in no hurry to return to a life he knew was going to seem emptier than the place he felt he had been. It didn't make sense to him; over a thousand deaths had been enough to show him that there wasn't anything beyond, not for the likes of him, but he still couldn't shake the conviction that somehow Ianto had changed that and death would no longer be so cold and lonely. It was a pity that feeling could not make a difference to his life, but that was what he had to face; life – and living – was also a battle. He was almost disappointed when his body betrayed him by drawing its first, inevitable breath. He was Jack Harkness, the man who lived… and lived and lived.

*

Tosh wasn't sure what would greet them back inside Central Hall. Neither she nor Owen would ever forget Ianto's storm of anger, grief and guilt that had followed the team's discovery – and their execution – of the cyberwoman that had been his Lisa in Torchwood's basement or his brittle stoicism when Jack had died after Abbadon and later abandoned them all. She had been allowed to peek behind that calm façade on occasion and found herself startled that Ianto could hide so much *feeling* behind his bland and pleasant smile.

Of all the scenarios that she had run through her head, one that she hadn't even contemplated was that he would be calmly sharing tea with Darius, seated on cushions around the low table, brazier and tiny kettle that the monk could seemingly call up on short notice out of nowhere. She glanced at Owen, frowning her question; he shrugged in answer and looked just about as nonplussed as she felt. At that moment Darius glanced up and gave them the smile that transformed his face from merely pleasant to beautiful.

"Ah, there you are. Join us, I've brewed enough for four," he said. With another glance at Owen, Tosh started forward, sinking into the cushions by the table with practised ease. Owen was muttering softly as he took the place beside her. She searched Ianto's face looking for the tell-tale signs of a potential meltdown, but found nothing unexpected or untoward. He gave her a smile - a little sad maybe, but definitely a smile - that managed to reach his eyes.

"It's not as if it's the first time he's gone somewhere we can't follow, is it?" Ianto said gently. Tosh shook her head, chiding herself for not expecting this quiet dignity from Ianto; she should have expected it, she was supposed to have been his friend. He continued, "And I never exactly expected there to be anything… beyond… not after what Jack told me or what happened to you, Owen."

They sat in silence for a moment, sipping tea as if this was a perfectly normal conversation. For them, Torchwood, and for this place, Tosh supposed it probably did pass as normal. It was also exceedingly good tea and deserved to be appreciated. After a few minutes she found she couldn't hold back the question that had been burning on the tip of her tongue since she'd sat down.

"What if Jack never finds his way out of the room without doors again?"

Ianto set his cup down, and sighed.

"Then he stays in the Darkness. I've apparently done all that I can and it's up to him now, or so Brother Darius believes."

"But what about you, Ianto? What do you believe?" Tosh asked, and watched as Ianto looked at his hands, turning them over as if the lines on his palms were the most fascinating things he had ever seen. Eventually he raised his head and met her eyes.

"I can't live this life waiting for him like he waited for his Doctor; it wouldn't be fair to either of us, or to anyone here. I'll still miss him though, and if he does turn up out of the blue then I'll always be glad to see him."

"Hah. So that's what you're calling it these days," Owen muttered. Tosh elbowed him in the side.

"Owen!" She hissed, only to be surprised by a soft chuckle from Ianto.

"I missed you too, Owen. You can be certain that I'm going to make the most of being able to pick on you again, it hasn't been the same without you."

"I can hardly wait," Owen grumbled though the tone of his voice was betrayed by the smile on his face. "You know, I kind of missed you too; Tosh is just too nice for her own good now she's been loosened up a bit."

They finished their tea in shared laughter before taking leave of Darius, Tosh uttering a few words of thanks in Japanese. She grabbed one of Ianto's arms while Owen took station on the other side.

"Do I get the guided tour now?" Ianto asked, still chuckling under his breath.

"If you want, though it'll take days to show you everything," Tosh replied.

"I'd like to get to know Tara better; she seems to be good for you."

"She is…" Tosh ducked her head to hide the blush that rose unbidden to colour her cheeks. She was grateful that Ianto's attention seemed to have turned to Owen.

"And what about the strong, silent type who was hovering over you, Owen?"

"What…? Oh, that was Kai. Us ex-zombies have to stick together."

"You know, this isn't like any sort of afterlife I ever imagined."

"Or us. Now come on; places to go, people to see…"

Tosh glanced over her shoulder as they walked out through the doors; Darius was smiling as he packed up the tea things and she found herself smiling in response. Death, especially when it was a violent or untimely death, was never going to be a pleasant experience, but at least here in this strange and wonderful place they could find – had found – something to make them smile again.

~E~


End file.
